Count Your Blessings
Gratitude is good for you. So why did Thanksgiving stress me out?
Feels wrong to quote The Police when police are starting riots, but when the world is running down, you make the best of what’s still around. Today, that means focusing on the good and the doable. For the good, we have Jack Hughes’ long-overdue look at the real-world legacy of the fictitious presidency of Andrew Shepherd. For the doable, we have Matt Zeller’s proof to Shepherd’s contention that America is advanced citizenship in “Fascism.” And for both the good and actionable, we’ve got Robin Whetstone, who talks about practical responses to insanity in “Moscow Remont.”
And as always, we remember who we’ve lost and offer recommendations on what to do, read, watch, and listen to, like a video for Asaf Avidan’s new song “Lost Horse” that restored my faith in how we’re going to get through /gestures vaguely/ all this.
But first, did I ever tell you about why Thanksgiving used to stress me out?
My mom does this thing at Thanksgiving. I’m sure your mom does, too. At some point, when we’re having a perfectly good time correctly identifying the flaws in our fellow man and assaulting each other with recommendations about what absolutely must be watched on television, my mother interrupts the proceedings with instructions to announce to the assembled what we’re thankful for. My mother, who in many respects is a normal, amiable person with a long record of accomplishment in business, community service, and parenting, is lamentably a literalist when it comes to holidays, with one exception. We grew up on the Canadian border, yet Boxing Day passed unremarked upon in our household, much to the puzzled dismay of my brother and I who often observed this holiday, albeit non canonically, on our own.
Anticipating the Thanksgiving meal used to coexist with the stress of having to come up with something acceptable to admit in front of family. We were a mixed household growing up, although how mixed up we were varied. For example, my mother’s second husband was a practicing alcoholic and drug addict for most of his time in our lives. The rest of us were not. So I spent years not saying, “I’m thankful you’re a good drunk driver because otherwise I’d have died a thousand times by now.” Instead I muttered something about Cal Ripken Jr. and hoped it was enough.
Now she’s married to a good man of a deep and abiding faith in both the Republican Party and the Christian God, and I would rather cause myself physical pain than discomfit the man who has made my mother happy. In 2008, cousins from my dad’s side joined our Thanksgiving. I still remember his pained expression when Nikole said she was grateful Obama got elected. Politics used to be my life’s work, but it was a forbidden topic at the dinner table, a small sacrifice for peace and cranberry sauce.
Thanksgiving, the actual giving of thanks, has for me been about what not to say. I internalized this inhibition to such a degree that I remember my shock when someone new to our table rattled off a long list of blessings. It had never occurred to me that one could name more than one reason for gratitude, which is a shame because counting one’s blessings has real-world benefits: You make more friends, take better care of yourself, experience less depression and more empathy, have improved self-esteem and mental strength, and even sleep better. Because science.
In the interest of getting over myself and at risk of appearing foolish, I hereby and forthwith count the following blessings as an expression of gratitude for each and all:
My wife, who loathes being referred to as “Jason’s lovely wife,” is in fact my lovely wife, which rules.
My sons are smart, clever, kind, funny, and curious young men, and not hard on the eyes, not that it matters, and I love them with enthusiasm.
Joe Biden is, as of this writing, 7.5% ahead of Donald Trump.
I am on the other side of a book project that has offered me a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for personal and professional growth, and I believe, after experiencing months of pain, I seized that opportunity fully and will live a better life because of it.
These apps, no kidding, have also helped me create a better life for myself: Noom, Spar!, and Headspace. Because of them, I am at my college weight, stronger than I’ve ever been, and better able to manage my emotions and thoughts. Just learning that I don’t have to think my thoughts because they pop into my head has changed my life.
CNN headline: “Biden's lead over Trump is the steadiest on record”
Not only was I not laid off, but my job has become more challenging and fun during quarantine.
In fact, because we’ve become comfortable doing video calls during the pandemic, I am now much closer to my colleagues in London, New York, DC, and Los Angeles than I was in the Before Times.
New York Times: “A wave of polls taken after the conventions show little change in Biden’s lead.”
Because of the pandemic, my wife and I have learned that we like taking long walks together. In fact, my marriage has become stronger because of the pandemic.
Writing this newsletter is a regular source of joy for me and has become one of my favorite things in my life. (This means I’m grateful for you.)
CNBC headline: “Biden leads in six 2020 swing states as Trump sees no convention bounce, CNBC/Change Research poll finds”
My parents are healthy and reasonably happy.
I am grateful for the Orioles and the Seahawks because they give me something “normal” to think about.
NBC headline: “Democrats are leading in the polls. That means it's time for them to panic.”
I’m thankful that I have successful, smart friends who are a lot of fun to hang out with.
In particular, I want to single out Bryan, who takes great delight in identifying us as “best friends” with childlike guilelessness, and whose enthusiasm for enjoying life has taught me how to enjoy mine.
Financial Times: “…simply comparing state polling numbers in 2020 to those from 2016 can be misleading and might suggest the race is tighter than it really is.”
I’m grateful for the things that make my relationships with each of my sons different. My oldest is funny with me, my youngest, sincere.
I’m grateful that they light up in each other’s company.
Road trips with my youngest son have become one of my favorite things in life. This summer’s trip to Palo Duro Canyon was something I hope I never forget.
Seriously people, all the Republican operative friends I have know that Biden is heading toward a win and that they are likely to lose the senate. None of them dispute that Biden is killing Trump in the suburbs, that Trump’s operation is erratic, directionless, and incompetent, and thus unable to catch Biden, and that the Republican Party needs big, structural change.
Stop projecting your own anxiety onto the campaign and drawing conclusions unsupported by data.
And stop expecting polls to relieve your fear and anxiety about the election. Nate Silver is not your therapist, and Rachel Bitecofer ain’t your momma.
It’s not a poll’s job to tell you everything’s going to be OK. It’s your job to make everything OK.
Winning will relieve your fear and anxiety.
Do what is necessary to win.
Anxiety and fear are not necessary to win. In fact, spreading fear and anxiety discourages your friends and makes them feel powerless to effect change.
We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
And for goodness sake, stop freaking out. Just go win.
But first, call your mother and tell her how grateful you are that you had such an aces mom.
Andrew Shepherd’s Legacy
by Jack Hughes
Jack Hughes, our correspondent from on high, our Canadian sensation, our pop culture vulture, is back with a reassessment of the real-world legacy of a fictional president, Andrew Shepherd. He might not have been an actual American president, but his presidential legacy is very real.
Our view of Shepherd would likely be different had the movie not ended with roses and applause but censure or impeachment. He’d seem less like an ideal president and more like a real president.
Fascism
by Matt Zeller
In July, Matt Zeller, a combat veteran and former C.I.A. analyst, contributed the Presidential Daily Briefing to The Experiment. He’s back with horror and heartbreak at seeing his homeland slide into what he sees as fascism.
We will not survive another four years of this. I’ve seen war firsthand. I’ve been shot at and blown up. It is a nightmare I live with daily, a scar I wear with pride, even as it defaces. You do not want to live what comes next if Trump wins.
Red Ticket: Moscow Remont
by Robin Whetstone
This weekend in Red Ticket, Robin chooses, for once in her life, not to run into a burning building, probably because this time it’s not a metaphor but a mafia fire. Also, I come up with an incredible naive idea to fix Moscow, and the ruble is supplanted by a new and delicious currency.
It could be worse. We could be getting no change at all, or change in beets. Quit complaining.
RIP
As of September 11, 191,898 Americans. That’s about 20 times the number we lost on 9/11 and in the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq combined. This pandemic is worse than 9/11 every single week, and we’re doing it to ourselves. Wear a damn mask, people.
How we’re getting through this
Breaking our own teeth
Taking the Eysenck Political Test
Making creamy corn pasta with basil
Making melon and avocado salad with chile
Preordering Red Headed Strangers by Walker Lukens
Teaching people how to put some respect on Kamala’s name
Preordering Lives of the Stoics: The Art of Living from Zeno to Marcus Aurelius
What I’m reading
GPT-3: “A robot wrote this entire article. Are you scared yet, human?”
Humans must keep doing what they have been doing, hating and fighting each other. I will sit in the background, and let them do their thing
Ryan Holiday: “Moderation Is the Highest Form of Greatness. Here’s Why.”
Moderation is not just splitting the difference. It’s not refusing to take a stand. It’s actually a pretty radical and difficult position to hold. Aristotle defined it as the hardest thing in the world to do—to find the right “feelings at the right time, on the right occasion, towards the right people, for the right purpose and in the right manner, is to feel the best amount of them, which is the mean amount—and the best amount.”
Roger Reeves: “Grendel”
Katie Strang: “‘I was sure she was going to be dead at 25’: A figure skater’s redemptive journey”
What I’m watching
If episode 4 of Lovecraft Country left you, like me, bewildered, here’s an explainer.
Speaking of things I didn’t understand, I’m Thinking of Ending Things was bonkers. Here’s an explainer. Here is Glen Weldon’s excellent spoiler-free review. I might see it twice just so I have the experience of understanding it once.
What I’m listening to
Who was in charge of telling me about the Front Bottoms? Because you really fell down on the job. They’ve got a new song out, “Montgomery Forever,” about gentrification. It makes me feel bouncy.
Pitchfork’s review of Bill Callahan’s Gold is better than I could do. Read it here. tl/dr: If Raymond Carver were a kindly folk singer, this would be his album. The lead single, “Pigeons,” is a helluva story about newlyweds who solicit marital advice from their limo driver. He answers:
When you are dating, you only see each other
And the rest of us can go to hell
But when you are married, you are married to the whole wide world
The rich, the poor
The sick and the well
The straights and gays
And the people that say, ‘We don’t use those terms these days.’
But the song I want to feature this week is Asaf Avidan’s “Lost Horse,” which grabs my attention every time it comes up on iTunes. He tells the story behind this song to NPR’s Bob Boilen here. It’s a trip, and both the song and the story are worth your time, but the story behind this video is a great example of how the limitations imposed by this pandemic is yielding art that would not otherwise exist.
The dancers in the video for “Lost Horses,” Bobbi Jene Smith and Or Schraiber, are an actual couple and apparently a big damn deal in the modern dance world. They were all lined up to do the video when the coronavirus made it impossible for the film crew and the dancers to collaborate, so they gave the dancers a camera, and the most lovely thing happened: The dancers documented their lives, and because they are dancers, well, their lives became art. People, spend a few minutes in their lives and marvel at how they live through their bodies.
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The latest Real Clear Politics polling average has Trump’s lead in Texas at 3.5%. Texas is a swing state. Let’s act like it.
Want a way to send gifts and support local restaurants? Goldbelly’s got you hooked up. Sending friends kolaches has become my new favorite thing.
I used this to order scotch delivered right to my door. Recommend.
Thanks to Noom I am down to my college weight, and haven’t had to cut out any foods. I hit my goal weight before Memorial Day and have stayed within a few pounds either way ever since. This is easy. Noom is an app that uses psychology, calorie counting, and measuring activity to change your behavior and the way you think about food. I’m stronger and healthier than I’ve been in years. Click on the blue box to get 20% off. Seriously, this works.
Headspace is a meditation app. I’ve used it for a couple years and am absolutely shocked at how much it’s taught me about managing my inner life. Try it free for a couple weeks. Don’t worry if you’ve never done it before. They talk you through it.
Want a way to send gifts and support local restaurants? Goldbelly’s got you hooked up.
I now offer personal career coaching sessions through Need Hop.
The extent of my political work this election cycle is as the treasurer to a Super PAC with one mission: helping Joe Biden win Texas. If you want to help, here’s how:
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