Will you not be my Valentine?
She's the one who got away; here are the notes she left behind
What if on Valentine’s Day we sent cards made out of pink construction paper not just to the ones who got away but to those who never were? What would you write to that one guy you stood up, to the girl you ghosted? That’s how Rachel Megan Barker is marking Valentine’s Day in the pandemic.
by Rachel Megan Barker
To the guy I met on the plane from New Mexico to the UK in 2012
Sometimes, you just get to have a really good conversation on a plane.
I will be honest - I don’t remember that much about you. I remember you were a veteran, and obviously that you were flying from Albuquerque to Dallas, because so was I. Mostly, though, I really appreciate you listening to my ramblings about this Senate campaign I had just interned on. I have no idea if what, at the time, seemed like a fabulous adventure to me was truly that interesting to you - but I really appreciate having had someone to, in that moment, tell the story of the wild ride I had been on that summer.
Best,
Rachel
To the only girl I ever went on a tinder date with
Now, the fact that I don’t remember your name is really awful. More awful is that I said I would invite you to a Halloween party and then did not do that. And also that I ghosted you. I have only ever been on two tinder dates - one of them being you obviously - and I don’t really know how they are meant to work. We had a really good conversation - you’d just moved to the UK from Australia, you worked in marketing...it was interesting! But it also had far more “friendship vibes” than I really knew what to do with in the context of a date and I sort of panicked with that. Plus I just didn’t know what I really wanted out of the whole situation - which is why it was an error on my part for me to get into that situation in the first place, so, sorry.
It was interesting for me to spend what was, if memory serves, a good couple of hours talking to someone who quite clearly had absolutely no interest in the industry I work in. Genuinely! Having to make the effort to talk about, well, literally anything else was a really valuable exercise.
I hope me ghosting you wasn’t a big deal for you; I can see how it might have been and also see how it might not have mattered at all. So I hope it was the latter.
Best,
Rachel
To the guy who asked me out on a bus in Wisconsin
I am very sorry I did not show up to our date. Let me explain - I was running a Get Out The Vote weekend for the 2016 election and whilst I really convinced myself that I could get away by 9pm, I was wildly incorrect about that.
Now, I guess you sort of know that because I told you - but let me explain that I really, really did try to get away, and that campaign work isn’t like normal work and the ability to just walk away from it when there is still stuff to do just really does not exist.
I am sorry you wasted money on the flowers you bought for me.
And I do hope you decided to vote for Hillary in the end, even if it didn’t mean we won Wisconsin.
Best,
Rachel
To the guy I met in a hostel in Poland
There are some connections that are random and small but wonderful.
Thank you for being the conversation I needed in a moment when I felt quite lonely, and thank you for your insight into what it felt like to be a German voter - the insight of being far to the left of Merkel but feeling an obligation to the whole of Europe to vote for her was a really interesting perspective.
Best,
Rachel
To the girl I met on the train in Romania
Looking back at what you said then, back then in 2016, about the fact you felt like “something bad was coming” - oh boy, you were correct on so many levels.
I do hope you found a route into psychology despite the fact you dropped out of your university course because they were still teaching Freud as if he was...correct. I think you would be great in that field!
Best,
Rachel
Rachel Megan Barker is a political adviser in London. Her most recent contribution to The Experiment was “Sleep.” Follow her on Twitter at @rachellybee.
What do you think of today's email? I'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback. I might even put ‘em in the newsletter if I don’t steal it outright.
Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Unless of course you were forwarded this email, in which case you should…
Thanks to Noom I am down to my college weight, and haven’t had to cut out any foods. I hit my goal weight before Memorial Day and have stayed within a few pounds either way ever since. This is easy. Noom is an app that uses psychology, calorie counting, and measuring activity to change your behavior and the way you think about food. I’m stronger and healthier than I’ve been in years. Click on the blue box to get 20% off. Seriously, this works.
Headspace is a meditation app. I’ve used it for a couple years and am absolutely shocked at how much it’s taught me about managing my inner life. Try it free for a couple weeks. Don’t worry if you’ve never done it before. They talk you through it.
I now offer personal career coaching sessions through Need Hop.
We set up a merch table in the back where you can get T-shirts, hoodies, and even tote bags now.
We’ve also got a tip jar, and I promise to waste every cent you give me on having fun, because writing this newsletter for you is some of the most fun I’ve had.
Forget the Alamo: The Rise and Fall of the American Myth by Bryan Burrough, Chris Tomlinson, and myself comes out June 8 from Penguin Random House. There is no better way to support this book than to pre-order a copy. You’re going to love reading what really happened at the Alamo, why the heroic myth was created, and the real story behind the headlines about how we’re all still fighting about it today.
