The Conscience of a Conservator
Why the GOP should be put into conservatorship
Jack’s back with a take that’s both completely bonkers and persuasively logical. Free Bitney, but put the GOP into conservatorship.
by Jack Hughes
Curious to see what all the buzz was about, and running low on new content to stream, I recently watched the documentary Framing Britney Spears. It tells the story of the terrible treatment the singer has endured during her career and offers a decent primer on conservatorship laws. Having watched it once gives me no authority to comment on her conservatorship, but it did convince me who needs one – the Republican Party.
As the documentary explains, conservatorships are a type of legal guardianship used when someone is perhaps unable to manage their affairs without succumbing to fraud or being unduly influenced by some less-than-reputable character. In Britney’s case, her former co-conservator (aptly named Mr. Wallet) raised eyebrows and the ire of #FreeBritney fans describing it in Court filings as a “hybrid business model.”
Britney has been subject to her conservatorship for more than a decade, since 2008, when her father and an attorney – the aforementioned Wallet – were given permanent control over the singer’s finances. To place that in its historical context, it happened while President George W. Bush was still living in the White House and Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was campaigning as the Republican vice-presidential nominee.
Crossing that bridge from pop to populism, former President Barack Obama has offered the opinion that Palin paved the way for the Tea Party, MAGA, and QAnon. If so, it might be said that for the entire span of Britney’s conservatorship the GOP has evidenced an inability to manage its affairs without succumbing to, if not fraud, the influence of some less-than-Republican characters – and, likely, one in particular.
Donald Trump has approached politics as a “hybrid business model,” insofar as he ran for office (and ran the Oval Office) like he ran his businesses – heavily promoting the Trump brand. It’s noteworthy because the Trump brand isn’t that of a traditional ‘common sense’ Republican in the mold of George W. Bush or Ronald Reagan who had read Barry Goldwater’s book The Conscience of a Conservative cover-to-cover.
It’s been two months since Trump left office under a dark cloud, and yet polls show that many Republicans still want him to be their presidential nominee again in the 2024 election with some still thinking he won the 2020 election. To paraphrase lyrics from a Britney hit, they’re addicted to him don’t they know that he’s toxic? That’s why the GOP needs a conservatorship – a conservative conservatorship so to speak.
Now, you’d expect outspoken pro-Trump Republican lawmakers such as Florida’s Matt Gaetz and Ohio’s Jim Jordan to be outraged by the mere suggestion of a conservatorship for the GOP. What might surprise some readers, though, is that both Gaetz and Jordon have already come out in favour of reforming conservatorship laws. Was it a masterclass in political strategy or a monstrously crass publicity stunt?
Earlier this month, Gaetz and Jordan co-signed a letter to the Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee asking for a hearing into conservatorships. Citing criticisms from the American Civil Liberties Union that American citizens are being “stripped of virtually all their civil rights,” Gaetz and Jordan then argued “[the] most striking example is – perhaps – the case of multi-platinum performing artist Britney Spears.”
When questioned by TMZ’s Capitol Hill correspondent, Congressman Gaetz eagerly confirmed: “Of course I watched the Britney documentary!” Adding, “I really was triggered…I think we ought to hear directly from Britney Spears. I think we can haul her into the House Judiciary Committee…and look, hey, she wouldn’t be the first celebrity to use her fame to do good. We all know how Kim Kardashian got famous.”
Gaetz explained that “the entire Britney catalogue is a cry for help” which he then used as a basis for an odd plea for unity: “In a world where we can’t agree on masks, we can’t agree on lockdowns, we can’t agree on war and peace, we can’t agree on corona virus, we can’t agree on Republican or Democrat, maybe we can at least all come together and agree what’s happened to Britney Spears has been totally unfair.”
Watching the jocular Gaetz muse about his inspiration and intentions, not to mention his incongruous and gratuitous reference to Kim Kardashian, is to witness someone unwittingly make a winning argument for the other side. Using Trump’s strategy of morphing pop culture into GOP culture – blurring the boundary between popularity and populism – he is a Republican in a position of responsibility acting irresponsibly.
I agree the Framing Britney Spears documentary raises important questions about whether her best interests are being best served. Those questions are now before the Courts, which is exactly where they should be answered. No good can come from calling, hauling, or mauling Britney before a Congressional Committee, “without lawyers” as Gaetz suggested, to talk about her mental capacity to manage her affairs.
No, if Gaetz took anything away from Framing Britney Spears it should’ve been that she’s suffered enough and the last thing she needs is to have her mental health put under a microscope of media coverage. The fact he’s seemingly unmoved by this is proof positive the GOP needs help. And, here again, the Britney documentary is instructive as it shows the most difficult challenge is in picking the right conservator.
Republicans need both the right conservator and a conservator from the political right. A potential contender for the job must surely be George W. Bush. He’s excelled in the role of party elder statesman and model past president, calling for unity and sanity on everything from vaccines to insurrections in surreal times. Bush may be a controversial candidate but, true to his roots, a compassionate conservator.
There’s a second reason why I’m throwing Bush’s hat into the ring – one that brings us full circle. I noted Britney’s conservatorship began in 2008 while Bush was still in office, and I now confess to having connected those dots at the start to set up to a big dramatic reveal here at the end: There are those, perhaps many, who believe there’s a causal connection between Britney’s predicament and the Bush presidency.
Theorists have painstakingly pieced together a pattern in Britney’s erratic activity between 2001 and 2009: Her most memorable outbursts occurred when Bush was in trouble. If Bush got bad press, say on Hurricane Katrina or maybe the financial crisis, Britney would suddenly go do something uncharacteristically eccentric that would, according to the theory, distract the public’s attention by dominating the news cycle.
To some true believers, Britney’s conservatorship was therefore a kind of political punishment for protecting the president. It should be acknowledged there are some undeniable parallels in the twin timelines – not least the fact that Britney hasn’t had any eccentric, erratic episodes since Bush left the White House. Mere coincidence or major conspiracy? Perhaps the documentary deserves – nay, demands – a sequel.
Now, truth be told, I don’t think we should politicize conservatorships – but if some in the Republican Party think it’s a good idea to have public hearings on Britney’s maybe the public should hear some ideas about a good one for them. And, if one is on offer, maybe Republicans will remember Britney’s advice about Bush from 2003: “We should just trust our president in every decision he makes and just support that.”
Jack Hughes is a communications consultant based in Canada. His previous contributions to The Experiment include “Same of Thrones,” “Tippecanoe and Agnew Anew,” “Harris / Shuri 2020,” “Bidenfeld,” “Firth and Firthiness,” “The Ballot of Bill McKay,” and “The World Wants ‘The West Wing,’” among others. His inexplicably extensive writings on Dan Quayle are “The Unusual Suspect,” “The Unusual Suspect II,” “The GOPfather” and “Porqua, CoQau?” His most recent contribution was “Biden Bitten by Major Scandal.” Connect with him on LinkedIn here.
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