S3 E12: No Cookie for You!
Sonia needs accountability like a Klingon needs a bat'leth
Sonia Van Meter writes the recap for S3 E12 like she drives, fearlessly and with aggressive malevolence. This one leaves a mark.
by Sonia Van Meter
Shiva be praised. After 11 weeks of emotionally fraught and deeply relatable themes demanding hours of self reflection and introspection, we’re finally getting the sweet relief of phaser fire, fist fights, and saucy bad guy banter. And I don’t think I’m alone when I say this was a most excellent week for Discovery to give us respite in the form of a little unabashed escapism. Yeesh. If 2020 was a double decker crap sandwich, the opening salvo of 2021 was the crap-covered gherkin on top. But when we needed to briefly look away from the chaos of the country, Discovery gave us some lovely consequence-free fight scenes to distract us from the horror show on CNN. Thanks guys, sincerely.
And on that note: Can we talk about how spectacular Star Fleet combat training is? I mean Michael Burnham grew up with heavy Vulcan influence, so we expect her to know how to handle herself, and we’ve seen examples of that training throughout the series. Her taking a blade in the thigh and still wrestling her opponent into unconsciousness was positively badass, but not exactly unexpected. She’s one of the only humans I’ve seen successfully execute the Vulcan neck pinch, so clearly she’s got both strength and skill. But how about the rest of the bridge crew, eh? Once captured and at the mercy of two hapless gun-wielding Emerald Chain minions, they only need a few moments to orchestrate their uprising, and they did it without uttering a single syllable aloud. And for the true Trek fan, the joy of this scene began the minute Lt. Bryce started tapping his fingers. Oh, you saw it coming. The time honored gambit of starting a fight with your comrades only to distract your captors long enough to overpower them. I don’t care if it’s a slightly hackneyed Trek tradition, it’s a glorious good time to watch, as Book rightly observes in surprised delight.
You’ll forgive me for leading with the punchline, but let’s go ahead and get to the fun part.
But the hostage crew of Discovery is going to need more than just combat training to get out of this pickle, and you’ll forgive me for leading with the punchline, but let’s go ahead and get to the fun part. I knew that sphere data entity was going to come into play at some point, and that point appears to be now. And hallelujah, because otherwise, seriously, what was even the point? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the momentary snippets when the crew has noticed the sphere data very quietly in their corner, but c’mon. The thing merged with Discovery’s system almost a whole season ago, and thus far all we seem to know about it is that it wants to support the crew and prefers a luscious velvety vocal interface over the original computer voice. Cute, but who cares? But it seems as we wind down to the final episode of the season, the quirky being has decided to emerge full force. We knew it was up to something sly when the Chain couldn’t figure out how to delete a tiny bit of code running ancient earth entertainment programming, but by the end of the episode it appears we have a small but sneaky army of robots on our side. My guess is that in order to avoid being discovered by the Chain, an event that would likely have been pretty bad for the galaxy, the sphere data hid itself in the DOT-23s. How one crams the sum total of existential knowledge into what looks like a handful of gliding next-generation iPhones escapes me, but hey, I’m not an engineer. And I don’t care how slick the Emerald Chain thinks they are, when you’re an antagonist up against a being with a strong moral foundation and the sum total of the universe’s knowledge, you are, to put it bluntly, comprehensively screwed.
And I do look forward to seeing how this situation resolves. Going up against Star Fleet is almost always a losing proposition, but with the sphere data looking out for them, this is going up against Star Fleet while they’re playing with the cheat codes. It’s still anyone’s guess what Osyraa’s entire plan is since standard issue Trek villains don’t always tilt their hands up front, but she’s revealed that she’s infinitely savvier than your average bad guy, and based on her relationship with Aurellio, the scientist she seems to have saved in childhood from a genetic defect, she does possess a small degree of kindness and compassion. Her proposal to the Federation is thorough and apparently reasonable. Perhaps Admiral Vance would be wise to hear her out?
With the sphere data looking out for them, this is going up against Star Fleet while they’re playing with the cheat codes.
Ha ha just kidding! If this week has taught us anything it’s that “there’s no harm in humoring the tyrant” is an excellent method of undoing your entire world. First, it lets the tyrant’s followers know you’re willing to play ball with their leader. And if you’re willing to play ball, you’re either scared of your opposition, or you’re gullible enough to believe they have good intentions. Don’t be the guy who tells legions of your enemy’s brainwashed fans that she’s outsmarted you on the first maneuver. Second, everyone knows what happens when you give a mouse a cookie. Do tyrants ever tire of pushing the limits of their power? Of course not. Has a tyrant ever decided “nah, that’s enough of an illegal land grab for one lifetime” or “maybe I’ll only imprison some of my opposition for now?” When they see an opportunity, they take it, rules be damned.
However.
Her proposal is interesting, and it raises some smart points about the nature of empires. They either adapt or they fall, and The Federation has been hanging by a very thin thread since The Burn. As I watched the episode to its end, I found myself wondering what Osyraa’s motivation was. She’s already got power, wealth, influence, and an army of followers. And now she even has Discovery, which means she can go literally anywhere in the galaxy she wants, anytime, with absolutely no one stopping her. What more could she possibly need? Why would an alliance with the Federation benefit her at all?
Empires either adapt or they fall, and The Federation has been hanging by a very thin thread since The Burn.
And then it hit me like a mountain of tribbles falling on my head. She wants the thing that all thugs want when they’re trying to snatch more power for themselves. It’s the one thing they can’t buy, steal, or con their way into: She wants legitimacy. Like every other mobster who’s increased their influence through scheming or oppression, she wants acknowledgment that she’s justified in her actions and motivations. She wants to change how history remembers her, not as a glorified warlord, but as a wise and generous benefactor benevolently managing her fiefdom. And who’s the only entity in the galaxy that can give her that kind of legitimacy? The Federation. Oh this game just got fun!
Once you recognize her true intentions, the parallels between her and other aspiring dictators become transparent. Naturally, she opens the discussion by saying she wants “peace,” which is hilarious all on its own since we’ve seen that her idea of peace includes slavery, murder, blackmail, and other assorted brutalities. But we’re just getting started, really.
For example, she’s given herself a title. She’s not merely Osyraa. She’s Minister Osyraa of the Emerald Chain. I do appreciate that even criminal enterprises have hierarchies, but I’ve never heard anyone use that title to address her before, and I don’t think it’s an accident that it makes its first appearance as she’s trying to bully a Star Fleet admiral. She wants to be taken seriously, and I guess an important sounding title is better than whatever the Trek equivalent is of “Jan from accounting.” But don’t government ministers usually have a specific department they oversee? Minister of Health, Minister of Culture, Minister of the Interior, these are ministerial titles. What’s she, the Minister of Trafficking and Racketeering?
I guess an important sounding title is better than whatever the Trek equivalent is of “Jan from accounting.”
And her arrogance as she smugly sends the non-bridge crew of Discovery back to HQ unharmed? An “an act of good faith,” as she calls it? Yeah, that’s straight from the dictator playbook. Tyrants always want credit for opting to not do the horrible thing one time, as though it papers over the mountains of atrocities they’ve already committed. It's a key component of gaslighting your opponent into believing you. But we, the dispassionate audience, of course must ask ourselves: How is not being a total monster after you’ve just stolen someone else’s property and kept hostages even remotely an act of good faith? Sorry, no, you do not get a cookie for taking one action one time that isn’t a crime against someone.
But as I watch in disgust as Osyraa preens and self-congratulates, Admiral Vance goes just the tiniest bit HAM on her, and ladies and gentlemen, suddenly he’s a little bit of Picard, Janeway, and Emperor Georgiou all at once. Recognizing the value in an alliance that would deescalate hostilities between their organizations but not wanting to validate any of Osyraa’s actions up to the present, he delivers a counterproposal with the most delicious poison pill perched atop. Sure, the Federation will consider an alliance with the Emerald Chain. They can discuss the sharing of resources, technology, equipment, the whole nine. But in return, Osyraa must submit herself for judgement for the crimes she’s committed, and endure whatever sentence an independent commission deems appropriate. She will be given no rank or title in whatever new joint endeavor is formed. She’ll have accomplished what she set out to do, but she’ll be held accountable for her criminal actions and undoubtedly punished for them.
Truth and reconciliation? Sure. But first? Motherf*cking consequences.
If there’s one thing I’m in the mood for, it’s people being held accountable for their actions. I need it like a Vulcan needs logic.
Osyraa, as you might imagine, gets a little indignant at this point, but it’s hard to care much, particularly since our merry band of hostages is now armed, free, and fighting to regain control of Discovery. And although the episode ends a bit abruptly, it’s not difficult to see where we might go next week. My theories?
Lots of fighting. Things are going to get blown up. We might even see a casualty or two among the bridge crew.
Aurellio turns on Osyraa, having finally witnessed first-hand her brutality, and helps the hostages retake Discovery.
Discovery hauls butt back to the Verubin nebula to find Saru, Adira, and Dr. Culber on their last legs… I hope.
The Kelpian dilithium-whisperer living on the ship decides to take a massive leap of faith and follow his new friends onto Discovery.
Stamets cold-cocks Burnham for delaying his rescue of the away team.
And the sphere data? Yeah, I can’t even speculate on that one. But it oughtta be a good ride!
The final episode of season 3 is available as I write this, and the second this recap is live I’ll be pushing play on the remote. But if there’s one thing I’m really in the mood to see from Discovery in its season finale, it’s people being held accountable for their actions. I need it. I need it like a Vulcan needs logic. Like a Klingon needs a bat'leth. Like Riker needs scantily clad women to smile inappropriately at.
Let’s hope they don’t disappoint.
Sonia Van Meter, Larry Wilmore’s nemesis, is an award-winning political consultant, a partner in the Truman National Security Project, and former aspiring Mars colonist. Follow her on Twitter at @bourbonface.
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