Perplexing
Turns out we have no herd immunity to rank idiocy despite repeated exposure
This week my friend Robin Whetstone offers us another look into the bizarro world known as early ‘90s Moscow. Her romance continues, taking predictably unpredictable turns. If it’s not the strangest second date you’ve ever been on, then I want to hear from you. Until then, Robin’s story takes the cake. And as always, we remember those whom we’ve lost to C-19 and offer recommendations of things to do, read, watch, and listen to, including my beloved Sweet Spirit, who are out with a new album. Lots of interesting polling in the reading material. And no, I have no idea why I can never get my mask on straight.
But first, did I ever tell you about the Debra Lehrmann? She was being very careful, y’all. “We have strictly adhered to the stay-at-home order since early March,” is the way she put it later. Which makes sense, considering she and her husband were in their sixties. The coronavirus is no joke, especially among the Matlock set. But despite “diligently complying” — I mean, they’d cut their weekly grocery trip down to every other week, people — she and her husband started getting fevers and body aches. They got nasal swab tests in Austin, and sure enough, they had COVID-19.
“We’re fortunate because we’re all lawyers so we’ve been able to work at home. And of course, we’re not going to take any kind of risk whatsoever with an infant,” she explained.
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about the baby. Every other weekend during the Texas quarantine, the Lehrmanns’ son and daughter-in-law would pack up their six-month-old baby and drive from Houston to visit. I mean, this is her first grandchild, and it’s not like they didn’t take precautions. Lehrmann said they would pack toilet paper so they could avoid public restrooms which is a great idea if you don’t think about it too hard.
“We were just extremely careful – and then we get it,” she said. “How in the world would that happen? We have no idea. All I know is it must be very contagious.”
I mean, who could have seen this coming? Lehrmann confessed that she found the whole thing “perplexing,” and I’ve got to say, she certainly seemed perplexed. And let’s be honest, how many of us are fluent in what a Yale epidemiologist called in a viral post the “unforgiving math of epidemics.” The Giant Bummer Axiom of transmission dynamics holds that the more we cloister ourselves within a family unit the more the members of that unit pose a danger with their interactions with others.
The basic mechanics of this mathematical principle dictate that even if there is only a little bit of additional connection between groups (i.e. social dinners, playdates, unnecessary trips to the store, etc.), the epidemic likely won’t be much different than if there was no measure in place. The same underlying fundamentals of disease transmission apply, and the result is that the community is left with all of the social and economic disruption but very little public health benefit.
The good news for Lehrmann was that she was still able to work from home while she and her husband made full recoveries. Lehrmann, you see, is a justice on the Texas Supreme Court, which has been working remotely during the pandemic. In fact, they met remotely when the all-Republican Texas Supreme Court unanimously overturned a lower court’s decision to allow no-excuses voting by mail. While they eschewed in-person supreme courting for themselves — “All I know is it must be very contagious” — they said a pandemic did not necessarily make in-person voting dangerous.
"We agree with the State that a lack of immunity to COVID-19 is not itself a 'physical condition' that renders a voter eligible to vote by mail,” Chief Justice Nathan Hecht wrote.
The President, who on another matter apparently believes protecting the First Amendment means using the government to tell a private company what speech is acceptable, tweeted, "Big win in Texas on the dangerous Mail In Voting Scam!" This is the same guy who said voting is a privilege and who said the coronavirus would disappear without a vaccine. I’ve never been as unhappy to be right about a guy as I am about Donald Trump.
The one infallible rule of the Trump Era — it pains me as well as apparently every living president as well to call this a presidency — is not that things could always get worse but that they absolutely will. His bungling of the pandemic response has done what Hitler could not: stop baseball. (Though in the case of my beloved Baltimore Orioles, it is arguable that a cessation of play improved what we might have witnessed on the field.)
And here, too, things got worse. The Texas Secretary of State, who oversees elections, issued guidance for voters, what with the coronavirus being out there and all.
Voters should consider bringing their own marking instruments such as a pen, pencil with eraser, or stylus to use when checking-in to vote and for marking their ballot.
I mean, obviously. “All I know is it must be very contagious.” Now I need to look in the junk drawer to look for the stylus from my 1998 Palm Pilot. Resist the urge to laugh at us poor Texans, not because our lowly state is unworthy of ridicule but because the Secretary of State had more advice. Remember the iron law of the Trump Era? (C’mon, we just went over this. Zeller, get your notes from Elie.)
Things will always get worse, as will the Secretary’s advice. The virus is so dangerous that the Supreme Court can’t meet in person to rule that you must vote in person, an act that is so dangerous you need to bring your own thing to touch things with. The very act of voting is so dangerous that you must disinfect yourself after doing it.
Voters should bring their own hand sanitizer into the polling location and should use hand sanitizer to disinfect their hands after leaving the polling location.
By voting, you will be literally taking your life into your own hands, not that the Great State of Texas is going to do a damn thing about it. We are LARPing a Carl Hiaasen novel that he must have written drunk and edited while on acid. If Molly Ivins were still alive, this funhouse illogic might’ve done her in. By all evidence, we have no herd immunity to idiocy despite prolonged and regrettable repeated exposure.
Red Ticket: We Do Not Want an American
by Robin Whetstone
Every weekend we serialize Red Ticket, Robin Whetstone’s memoir of her time in Moscow in the early ‘90s. Today, Robin goes on her second date in Moscow.
RIP
How we’re getting through this
Saving money by never going here
Making recipes from famous restaurants
Analyzing tone in online communication with IBM Watson
What I’m reading
AARP: “Older Voters”
Ad Age: “What Marketers Can Learn From Previous Economic Downturns”
The proper marketing attitude for today embraces the concept that the time to do something is when others do nothing. Don’t look to a frightened competitor for guidance. Follow your own instincts; drive home your marketing advantages. Remain visible in hard times and your position will be much stronger in good times. —Ad Age, 1973
Brookings: “When are readers likely to believe a fact-check?”
The “ambiguously informed” also showed improvement after reading the fact-check. However, the “misinformed”—the folks who were wrong but confident they were right—were the least helped by reading a fact-check.
What’s worse, … the “misinformed”—even after reading a fact-check—are still more likely than not to choose the incorrect answer about the fact in question. All of the other groups become far less likely to choose an incorrect response option.
CNBC: “U.S. savings rate hits record 33% as coronavirus causes Americans to stockpile cash, curb spending”
Ryan Holiday: “How Marcus Aurelius Conquered Stress (and the Rest of Us Can Too)”
Morning Consult: “Among Rumored Vice Presidential Candidates, Warren Would Give Biden the Biggest Boost”
Variety: “Pixar Short Film ‘Out’ Features Studio’s First Gay Main Character”
WBUR: “'I Promise. I Promise.' You Can't Cheat A Pandemic”
Got some reading suggestions? Post them in the comments section, and I might include them in the next newsletter. Have a book to promote? Let me know in the comments or email me.
What I’m watching
Patton Oswalt has made the generational transition from alternative comic to mainstream standup standby. His latest special, which he talks about winningly on the Good One podcast, is a happy hour well spent.
What I’m listening to
One of my favorite bands, Sweet Spirit, dropped a new album last night called Trinidad, which the Statesman called “a dark pop soundtrack for these very strange times.” Sweet Spirit’s music helped me fall back in love with live music, and some of their songs on Cokomo and St. Mojo stand up with some of the best pop of the decade. If you want to go down a rabbit hole, start with “Baby When I Close My Eyes,” get hyped on the goof “Pamela,” and then feel “The Power,” especially at 2:32. And even then, you haven’t heard my favorite Sweet Spirit song, which they perform here live a couple years ago. It’s called “If You Wanna,” and watching Sabrina Ellis perform it takes me back. Here’s the lead single, “No Dancing,” and here’s where you go to buy their stuff.
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