How to Find Joy in 2020
First, never say, “It can’t get any worse.”
My friend Sly Majid is one of the most interesting people you’ll ever meet. If creating social structures to facilitate volunteerism is a career path, he’s blazing it. I remember the day he walked into work at the Mayor’s office and said, “Jason, I’ve got an idea,” and proceeded to tell me about Donate and Dare, part fundraising platform, part performance art. (Seriously, this YouTube link is a Rabbit. Hole. Stick with it for seven-plus minutes until psychic liftoff.) But today he offers advice on finding joy in 2020. First, never say, “It can’t get any worse.”
by Sly Majid
How does one find joy this Thanksgiving in what has been a colossal dumpster fire of a year? This year has been an enduring hardship that may make most of you inclined to look past Thanksgiving and set your gaze on New Year’s Eve where you can ceremoniously tell 2020 to GTFO. But if this year has taught us anything, it is that we must never utter the phrase “It can’t get any worse.” To protect our fragile mental health and emotional state, I’d like to be proactive and identify how it could get worse so we can be vigilant against the relentless onslaught of cosmic gut punches.
Murder Hornets: Like Chekhov's gun, the murder hornets wait for their turn to haunt your dreams. After a nest with over 200 queens was destroyed this month in Washington state, they are fittingly ready to close out the year.
Pro Tip: Even if these giant insects were called “Tickle Hornets” or “Involuntary Manslaughter Hornets,” their 6-millimeter, automatically-reloading stinger can inject massive amounts of venom that will MURDER a human, so ditch the cloth face mask and start sleeping in a full body suit that’s a mashup of the the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man’s lewk and a space suit from the movie Alien. Speaking of…
Aliens: The next worldwide event is the inevitable first contact with beings from another world. This was caused when humanity “doomscrolled” past an announcement by the Defense Department that UFOs exist, and aliens were personally offended by our mix of disinterest and preoccupation with Australia burning to the ground.
Pro Tip: If the aliens are friendly, watch the movie E.T and gather small candy-coated treats in advance of their arrival. If the aliens are hostile, watch the movie Independence Day and don't hangout in or around famous buildings. If the aliens are fun-loving, watch old episodes of ALF and purchase Hawaiian shirts as gifts in a gesture of goodwill.
Computer Simulation: Many have theorized that this year is so improbable that it cannot be real and is a computer simulation that we inhabit like the Matrix. Even Elon Musk shared his belief that we are likely already living in a computer simulation, created by an advanced future civilization on the Joe Rogan podcast so this theory MUST be taken seriously.
Pro Tip: Wait patiently for the tech support for the advanced future civilization to realize they spilled Diet Mountain Dew on their laptop and let them dry it in rice before they try turning the “Matrix” computer off and on again.
Zombies: The announcement that some COVID-19 vaccines are 95% effective is great news but since it’s 2020 we can assume that 5% of people will succumb to some unforeseen side effect. The safe bet is zombification. A population at 95% immunization against COVID and only 5% zombies will still have achieved herd immunity. Plus, the CDC already has a plan for a zombie outbreak, so we are fine. Win-win!
Pro Tip: PLEASE take the vaccine. Even if a few of us turn into zombies, it will be worth it to go to Chili’s again and not have to sit in the parking lot. If some politicians were telling the elderly to sacrifice themselves for the economy, it seems like the least you can do is take a vaccine that has a 5% chance of turning you into the living dead so I can enjoy some Southwestern egg rolls at a fast-casual restaurant.
Super Volcano Erupting/Gigantic Asteroid Headed for Earth/Rip in the Space-Time Continuum: Well that escalated quickly… I’ll admit, this may have gone too far. These scenarios make me look longingly at the prospect of murder hornets.
Pro-tip: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
While this year has been challenging, those difficulties have given us the gift of perspective. We can see more clearly the things that truly matter the most such as health, the ability to be with the ones we love, ensuring equity and justice for all, and the reminder that we must continue working to build a better world.
In personal news, 2020 will be a year I’ll never forget for many reasons as I got engaged to the love of my life, Rachel, and we are starting to build a life together with our foster dog Peanut (who we adopted in January 2020).
As you acclimate to the “new normal” of Thanksgiving 2020 by having a meal virtually with your loved ones over ZOOM or eating turkey outside in a socially distanced setting or having made the difficult decision of keeping your celebration to only those in your immediate household, I want to say I am grateful for your friendship and when things finally settle down I hope we can be together again soon.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sly Majid Sly works for the Office of the Mayor in Austin. Prior to this, Sly was the Executive Director of Eastside Community Connection where he managed operations of direct service programs that provided emergency food assistance and adult education to over 15,000 East Austin residents annually. He is also on the board of the Andy Roddick Foundation and is the co-creator of Civic I/O. Sly received his Bachelor of Arts in Government from the University of Texas in Austin. He’s also created a fundraising platform called Donate and Dare. Last time, people dared him to watch Cats 10 times in a row. The result was sublime. This is his debut in The Experiment. Follow him on Twitter at @slymanm.
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