By George
A modest proposal for Her Majesty
At 95, Queen Elizabeth is a bit overdue for planning her successor. The next in line, Prince Charles, is old and unpopular, at least compared to the next in line, William, who is getting pummeled in a protracted PR war with his brother, Harry, who can do no wrong. What’s a Queen to do? Give the crown to her great-grandson? “I know what you’re thinking,” writes Jack Hughes. “Isn’t George VII just ‘VII’ years old? Well, first, he’s almost eight.”
by Jack Hughes
This is a tough time for many families but, increasingly, one in particular. None of us like to see brothers fighting, sons disrespecting their parents and grandparents, in-laws at each other’s throats, or creepy uncles. So, we here at The Experiment wanted to help in our usual way – by offering solicitous, unsolicited advice. Where to begin? Let’s start by confirming that, yes, the clan we’re concerned about is the Windsors.
Queen Elizabeth II once famously declared the year 1992 to be her annus horribilis after three of her four children got divorced and her home, Windsor Castle, was ravaged by fire. We’re not even halfway through the year 2021, but there’s already ample evidence that it’s challenging for the title. The Queen has not only lost her beloved husband, Philip, but the House of Windsor has started to collapse on itself.
A recent poll found that 41% of Britons aged 18 to 24 want an elected head of state. That’s double from just two years ago – which was, of course, before ‘Megxit’ (when Harry and Meghan left London). The Crown, not to be confused with the Netflix series of the same name, is therefore in a race against time to avoid being cancelled. It’s a problem the Queen must solve, who, at age 95, is up against the clock herself.
The passing of Prince Philip has put a spotlight on Her Majesty’s mortality, and the future of ‘The Firm’ after she’s gone. A different poll taken late last year found that Britons were evenly split as to whether Queen Elizabeth should be succeeded by her son Prince Charles or by her grandson Prince William – the next two in line for the throne – though, notably, the 18 to 24 cohort preferred William by more than 3 to 1.
All this to say support for the monarchy won’t rebound if Charles replaces his mother. With the greatest of respect, His Royal Highness has an image problem. Not only did he divorce the saintly Diana after remaining ‘close friends’ with his future wife Camilla, but Prince Harry is telling anyone who’ll listen that he hasn’t exactly been World’s Greatest Dad. In his defense, Charles might have been destined for disaster.
Recognizing that not every monarch has gone by their given name at birth, it was an odd choice for Queen Elizabeth to name her firstborn son Charles. (A quick review of Royal archives should have given her pause.) Great Britain has had two kings by that name, and both are considered to have been duds. The monarchy was abolished under King Charles I in 1649, who was then beheaded, so not exactly an auspicious augury.
More to the point, if the monarchy is hoping to refresh itself to appeal to a younger demographic, Prince Charles isn’t going to represent generational change. He’s 72 years old. If he became King tomorrow, unlikely as the Queen is in good health, he’d be the oldest person to ascend to the Throne. (The current record holder is William IV, Queen Victoria’s uncle, who was just shy of 65 when he took the Crown in 1830.)
This has led some to suggest that after the Queen passes the Crown should pass over Charles’ head and be placed on William’s. To avoid constitutional conundrums, they argue Charles could simply abdicate before his Coronation as his great-uncle, King Edward VIII, did in 1936. He could even do so on the same basis – for the woman he loves. It isn’t the worst idea in the world. It might’ve even worked, but for Megxit.
It’s true that William is far more popular than Charles among increasingly influential demographic groups. By all accounts he’s a good husband to Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, and a good father to their kids. Overall, he’s a responsible, respectable guy who, if we’re honest, is like every other run-of-the-mill millennial Dad on the leading edge of middle age – a little balding, a little boring. Therein lies the problem.
Royal history is chock full of dramatic dynastic divisions which have traditionally ended with a clear winner and a clear loser – and it wasn’t always the one with the strongest claim going in who came out on top. William’s brother Harry is in it to win it. He’s set up a sophisticated rival court in celebrity-rich California from which he’s launched a public relations take-down campaign tantamount to reputational regicide.
William, in turn, is forced to ‘defend the faith’ with one hand tied behind his back. He can’t engage on the same terms or with the same tactics. He can’t book himself on talk shows or sign production deals with a competing streaming service. He’s the Prince of Protocol. If he gets down into the mud, he’ll only further sully the family name. All he has is Royal reserve, and that’s unfortunate for him because nobody reveres reserve.
If William ascends to the throne at the peak of Harry’s popularity, it’ll pit the two Sons of Diana – as well as their even more formidable wives – against each other in a protracted War of the Wokes. Harry will be portrayed as the progressive pretender-in-exile, conducting a symphony of sympathizers to denounce old order conservative convention. It wouldn’t be a fair fight – even if Harry and Meghan were fighting fair.
But if the Windsors look further down the line, there’s a ‘great’ solution which might not be a total anathema to Royal precedent: Queen Elizabeth could be succeeded by her great-grandson. During the 100 years of the 20th century, a George reigned over Britain for more than 40 of them. Moreover, King George V and King George VI, both respected, came to the Throne in unusual circumstances. So, too, can George VII.
(George VI came to the Crown because of his brother Edward VIII’s aforementioned abdication. His father, King George V, ascended to the Throne because his brother, Prince “Eddy” Albert Victor, died aged 28. Among the many rumors about Albert was the theory that he was the infamous serial killer Jack the Ripper. After a brief period of mourning, George proposed to his late brother’s fiancée, their cousin, Mary of Teck.)
I know what you’re thinking – isn’t George VII just ‘VII’ years old? Well, first, he’s almost eight. But, more to the point, if Her Majesty lives as long as her mother did, to the ripe regal age of 101, George will be 12 – and seven Kings bore the British Crown before their 13th birthdays. Half of all British Monarchs were on the Throne before they reached age 26 – including the incumbent. (Queen Victoria was just 18.)
Best of all, George is bereft of scandal. He’s never said or done anything offensive or controversial in public – he’s barely said or done anything period. As a minor, he’d be shielded from the paparazzi and tabloid press, and, moreover, his uncle and aunt can’t blast him with their bullhorn without bullying a poor (albeit rich) defenseless kid. George, then, is the answer to the twin prayers ‘God Save The King!’ and ‘God Help Us!’
St. George is Patron Saint of England; George VII can slay its present-day dragons.
Jack Hughes is a communications consultant based in Canada. His previous contributions to The Experiment include “Same of Thrones,” “Tippecanoe and Agnew Anew,” “Harris / Shuri 2020,” “Bidenfeld,” “Firth and Firthiness,” “The Ballot of Bill McKay,” and “The World Wants ‘The West Wing,’” among others. His inexplicably extensive writings on Dan Quayle are “The Unusual Suspect,” “The Unusual Suspect II,” “The GOPfather” and “Porqua, CoQau?” Connect with him on LinkedIn here.
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