Season 4 of Netflix’s Stranger Things culminated in an action-packed two and a half hour long season finale, but it could have run a bit longer. Left on the cutting room floor was an address by the acting mayor of Hawkins, Indiana, to his beleaguered citizens. We here at The Experiment are proud to present that scene here.
Dear citizens of Hawkins,
I have recently been notified that I am now your acting mayor. Of course, the arrest of former mayor Larry Kline created what is now obviously an inopportune vacancy that initially was filled by the mayor pro tem, who served until his death recently due to the circumstances, which also claimed the lives of two other members of the city council. The one city councilor remaining alive has since relocated with his family to a town not currently experiencing these events, leaving me, your town election clerk, as the next on the line of succession.
My message to you is to vote. There is never a bad time to make sure your voter registration information is up to date, especially now since many of our addresses have been voided. If you are among the displaced, please know that you can use the school gym, where many of you are sheltered, as your temporary address for voting purposes. In such unprecedented times, it’s important to exercise your right to vote. That is your super power.
The circumstances necessitate a number of changes that we need to go over now. The district attorney, whom I spoke with before he left town, will not be bringing the charges against former mayor Larry Kline, who as you know was arrested on charges related to leasing land to Starcourt Industries. First, and most obviously, the courthouse no longer exists, having fallen into the pit of what appears to be hellfire.
Further, I agree with the district attorney that now is a time to turn the page. Finger pointing will not close the rift to the underworld that has engulfed our town. Finger pointing will not rid our skies of the apparently sentient particles determined to destroy life as we know it.
There will be a time for lessons learned. I can confirm that the investigation into Mayor Kline’s crimes turned up a connection between what is commonly referred to as the Battle of Starcourt and a Russian campaign to destabilize the United States right here in Hawkins. However, I want to caution you against reading too much into this and drawing any parallels with the supernatural events at the mall and the fact that our town is presently divided neatly into four parts by what I can only describe as giant ditches of hellfire. Now is not that time. Now is the time for us to pull together, regardless of the hellfire that now divide us.
Many of you are asking what you can do. It’s important in times such as this to let your public safety professionals, many of whom did not die in the initial event, do their jobs. There are plenty of volunteer opportunities at the shelters for families that have been displaced. I don’t like using the word “homeless” when it comes to Hawkins, because if you’re in Hawkins, you’re already home.
Also, former Police Chief Jim Hooper reliably informs me that these monsters can be killed with fire. If you don’t have a flame thrower or do not feel comfortable DIY-ing a Molotov cocktail, you might be interested to note that this actually is a time for torches and pitchforks. To sum it up, if you don’t feel comfortable battling monsters from the underworld with fire, there is plenty to do down at the shelter. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches aren’t going to make themselves.
I always knew Hawkins was a special place. I did not know our uniqueness was due to being located directly over the underworld. In retrospect, perhaps we should not have been so quick to return to normal after what happened at our mall, the circumstances of which are still poorly understood. A good bit of blame lies at the feet of the former and apparently late Mayor Kline. Having been on the job for only a few hours now, I take my share of responsibility, which is minimal.
I am heartened to note that even as the sun is blocked out by black swarms of an undetermined nature, I see all around me evidence of Hawkins pulling together. I see families accepting orphans into their care. I see people making sandwiches. I see people saying, “Look out!” and warning each other about imminent attacks before being dragged away to their deaths by tentacles or eaten alive by swarms of bats. These are trying times, and I see Hawkins rising to that challenge.
I should take this moment to remind the people of Hawkins, those who remain, to avoid touching the tentacles. And remember, “When it gets dire, kill it with fire.”
As dire as these circumstances in which we find ourselves are, we cannot ignore the needs of the future. And for that reason, we will continue with the bond election to renovate the courthouse which, admittedly, has as of a couple of days ago ceased to exist. When our immediate survival becomes less paramount, we will begin a series of community conversations to discuss what needs you think the new courthouse should meet.
I should point out that the last time we had a community conversation, a high school student hijacked the proceedings to create a Satanic panic. Admittedly, our current situation is not dissimilar from biblical descriptions of Hell, but it’s important for the community to remain steadfast in looking to the future. Even as we avoid today’s swarms of bats, we must plan for a future in which sentient clouds of evil do not black out the skies of our fair town.
People of Hawkins, as we count the dead while remembering not to touch the tentacles — people, I cannot stress this enough — I know you all keep the well-being and survival of our friends, family, and neighbors in our thoughts and prayers. If we stick together, we will make Hawkins great again.
Thank you.
Jason Stanford is the co-author of NYT-best selling Forget the Alamo: The Rise and Fall of an American Myth. His bylines have appeared in the Washington Post, Time, and Texas Monthly, among others. He works at the Austin Independent School District as Chief of Communications and Community Engagement, though he would want to point out that these are his personal opinions and his alone, but you already knew that. Follow him on Twitter @JasStanford.
Thanks to Noom, I lost 40 pounds over 2020-21 and have kept it off since then. Click on the blue box to get 20% off. Seriously, this works. No, this isn’t an ad. Yes, I really lost all that weight with Noom.
We set up a merch table in the back where you can get T-shirts, coffee mugs, and even tote bags now. Show the world that you’re part of The Experiment.
We’ve also got a tip jar, and I promise to waste every cent you give me on having fun, because writing this newsletter for you is some
Buy the book Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick banned from the Bullock Texas History Museum: Forget the Alamo: The Rise and Fall of the American Myth by Bryan Burrough, Chris Tomlinson, and myself is out from Penguin Random House. Out in paperback now!